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My first ever blog post! What am I going to write? TTTTTT I tap frantically, followed by 7 strikes of the Z and 11 gentle presses of the %. Oh this isn't going very well is it?

Look calm down, I tell myself. You're a writer so write! and now I'm hammering away with wild abandon o oiuy43t9nl58v 2buy4.tu.oyqb3498t767hq94 8yr ba9t863q hey this actually pretty good! mlakwxlq3ik450o982u34t98ywvncitybw3;94tyuvbc987k2nx3wmjhyrt8x7w3y4b587c2y8bc4y8734y5bc873y8 that's more like it! I'm enjoying this!

nh32gxb4brt7264bu7c5ty5i34y5tbvcwi3tybkv3i46y5t Hmmm, now I'm starting to lose conviction...I mean, who would want to read a load of jumbled symbols?

Stop thinking! Thinking is the enemy! Just write. Who cares if anyone likes it or not?

Yes you're right! Who am I talking to? That's not important. Just carry on bashing the keyboard...

After 3 hours without a break, some kind of order begins to immerge. jk,ucfhyun548t7bcgl3467l987b6lt98v739t8ggtrggtrggtrggtrggtrggtr and after another 5 hours coherent sentences start to appear: The man said 'Hand of legs' said 'Book of ears' said 'Bag of pens' said...

Yes yes! The universe is speaking through me now! I'm a holy conduit, a copper menduit, a mouldy fenduit, a...

I'm hungry. I shake my head, ringing my hat bell and one of my wives appears.


'Hi darling, can you make me an omelette please?'

'Yes OK, do you want me to save the egg shells?'

'Yes please'

I've been commissioned to make a lifesize sculpture of Lord Varthelementhv of Derfenven from Eggshells and floor sweepings. It's nearly complete but bares little resemblance to the great man.

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