'How do you write this nonsense?' My wife asks or maybe she said something else, who knows I was only half listening.
It's a question that I'm asked on a daily basis and I've never had a good answer until now.
Everyone knows how to write surreal comedy: You re-watch old episodes of Last of the summer wine or Some mothers do 'ave 'em and write down every single thing that happens. Once you've done that (I don't know why I'm telling you this because you already know) you go through what you've written and change every single detail and so Compo rolling down hill in a bathtub becomes Jelly King² draws trapdoor in Jelly and falls through and man falling over and destroying everything becomes Soup King² draws trapdoor in sand and falls through.
Simple.....or is it?
What if everything I've just told you is total bollocks? What if everything I've ever said or ever heard anyone else say is total bollocks?
The truth is that there is only one way to create absurdist comedy and I will tell you all about it in the next paragraph.
O.K Here's the secret are you ready? You will need a blindfold, a pair of boxing gloves, some coloured pens and a single sheet of A7 paper. Now sitting cross legged on a cushion put on the blindfold and ask yourself 2 important questions:
1. What happened to the Jelly King²?
2. What happened to the Soup King²?
Put on the boxing gloves and draw your answers on the sheet of A7 paper. Without removing your blindfold, (No peeking!) put your drawing in an envelope, send it to me and await further instructions. What's that? You don't know my address? Neither do I, well I know the first bit: The old abandoned mine but I've forgotten the rest. Just put it in the post box and see what happens but do be careful when you're crossing the road.